im starting to miss things... miss the way it was... miss the way i thought it could be... why? maybe cos there's something lacking inside now... thinking back... things weren't as bad as i thought they were... i guess that's what time does... make ppl regret the slightest of things... make ppl wonder why it turned out this way...

i wanna be better off... i wanna look to the future.. but is it my fault i've started thinking about the past? i've nv made things clear before... and im nt sure whether im fretting about it now either... all i knw is... i miss it... i miss...u...

maybe it's just a moment... maybe... it's a scar... im not sure either... i can only hope things will get better... =) i want to heal... probably this now is just a phase... and will soon be over... maybe what i think is lacking will soon be filled up... things probably just take time...

so my job now? ignore all these... live my life... to the fullest.... love those i hv arnd me... care for myself more... think for everyone along the way.. =) maybe all will be better...

Labels: to feel but unable to express is the worst pain

im caught in this dimension where i dunno how i shld behave to say, that's ME... that's the real me. i put up a cheerful side most of the times... but i dunno how to get about it... it's like... most of the time... im miserably thinking... and wondering... but all these are redundant as well... =.= cos it'll always be on my part... i'm like really quite hurt... and cant really get over it...

sometimes i'm even too tired to show that im ok on the outside... but i still always try my best... to nt let others wry or suspect sth's wrong wimme... and i realised... i'm sighing more often lately than i used to... why? oh well... cos that's just the way things are...

why is it that this is happening to me?
it's like unfair or something... =(
i wanna get a life.. i wanna get over... but a part of me seem to just wanna cling on

when is it? that's i'll cheer up again?

Labels: to feel but unable to express is the worst pain

had a bad dream ytd... sigh... and i was crying in my dreams... thk gdness i didnt actually woke up crying... -.- ok.. it didnt really affect me much at dance prac today... but i still will think about it... sigh... sucks.....

it just occurred to me that actually, it's gonna be really hard for me to get over it... really very very hard.. esp after the dream i had.. i realised that i'm not even near to be ready and letting it go... sigh... what am i gonna do with myself...? i dunno whether to hang on... or to let go.. both are difficult.. and i dunno what i want anymore... this sucks... -.-

but it hurts inside... a lot... to see things happening in front of u and u can't do anything about it.. u can't even show ur emotions... cos that will just screw things up..... it's just a very trapped feeling... not only trapped... but lost as well...

do i want things to be just this way?
or do i want more from it?
i dun think that can be controlled by me... not anymore...

Labels: to feel but unable to express is the worst pain