Dearest Jezz

i just wanna let u know, u give me a feeling to protect u... u give me a feeling to cheer u up... hearing that u feel that my voice touches ur heart, u hv no idea how glad i am... =) cos that's what i love to do...

although it was nv intentional for both of us to come to get to know each other so well, ur happiness seemed to hv become smt i feel like giving u.. (dun get me the wrong way.. i know this sound SUPER wrong haha... but i mean it) i know i can't always be there for u.. i know i have a limit of how i can cheer u up... but it makes me feel good that i can be there for u.. =) the way i can make u feel secure at times... haha...

we dun often meet up... we both go thru so many diff things.. we both come from different backgrounds... but all i wanna let u know is.. u've got all of us... and i'd gladly be there for u when i can... =)

happiness isn't easy... but the simplicity of a care and concern, is what we all fail to see how much it can mean to us. sometimes we are too accustomed to the complicated and big... we neglect the simple and tiniest of things

times when things get f-ed up...
times when u feel like giving up...
times when we are all caught up in all the nonsense in this world...

why is it that we can continue holding on? that we choose to not let go?

guess it's a nature... that we all tend to be a bit too stubborn... that we tend to want too much... that we instill too much hope amongst ourselves...

if not so... guess sometimes we always wanna look for this thing that is missing... in all of us... the more u dun feel it.. the more u wanna explore... the more u wanna find. even if u can't find it... u'll still feel at least u tried... ironically, u expected more than that already.

we all struggle in our daily lives... for some of us, more and more each day... if we find a solution, an answer... it is either we are satisfied.. or else, it's that we get hurt even more...

sometimes, guess it's better to let things go... holding on... is not the best solution. time tells... time exposes... time... something we all WAIT for but sometimes dun realise we are actually going through it.

life without a drive, is meaningless...
life without a passion, is torturous...
life without smiles, is just death...

i want to smile... showing everything is ok... and will BE ok...
i want to joke... help ppl arnd me smile to cheer me up more and forget things as well...
i want so much... some times...a bit too much...

guess it's greed that show true colours nowadays...
no matter what u've done, i hope u can slp sound at night... i cannot understand what's still not enough for u? is treating u nice wrong? is giving u anything anyone could want wrong?

but i do hope... things won't stay this way for long... i really hope he wakes up and see what he can actually do... realistically... but for now... it's really none of my business... but hope he wakes up to see hw much pain he's putting others thru.. cos other ppl sometimes... care so much and to see thing happen this way, and this isn't the only thing that's gg thru other's life now... the pain... torments me... so pls let things be better...

Labels: beyond bev's control

sometimes... some things can get out of your control totally. all that is in ur control, is thinking about possibilities. 'what if'...'maybe'...'how i wished'... all these become part of your daily life. i guessed i've often felt this way... just that it has always been sub-concious, buried inside. out of sight, out of mind. maybe that's why some times i feel the way i feel... but not know why either...

i'm not asking for anything... cos i know this, can't be gained just by asking. nor can it be gained even if i tried. so i'm not expecting anything out of it... i just learn, understand, and accept.

i never enjoyed being hurt... but i learnt how to accept it.
i never enjoyed blame... but i learnt how to take it.
i never enjoyed pain... but i learnt how to heal from it.
i never enjoyed friends being down... but i learnt how to counter it.
i never enjoyed loneliness... but i learnt how to live it.
i never enjoyed....... much........ but i learnt how to make the best out of it.
=)

guess now since things have passed... have become 'had been's...... that's the way things are gonna be... i know it. i always had. but why i keep feeling so... is probably nature... =) i know i'm not good enough to turn things over. and i'll never be the one who these things happen to. so, use the disadvantage to my advantage. give what i cannot get. and give MORE of what i won't get.

no matter what...i'll still smile... but the cries are inside...

Labels: just a moment...all will be better

You look so dumb right now
Standin' outside my house
Tryin' to apologize
You're so ugly when you cry
Please
Just cut it out

Don't tell me you're sorry cuz you're not
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught

But you put on quite a show
You really had me goin'
But now it's time to go
Curtains finally closin'
That was quite a show
Very entertainin'
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow

Grab your clothes and get gone
You better hurry up
Before the sprinklers come on
Talkin' bout "Girl, I love you you're the one..."
This just looks like a re-run
Please
What else is on?

And don't tell me you're sorry cuz you're not
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught

But you put on quite a show
You really had me goin'
But now it's time to go
Curtains finally closin'
That was quite a show
Very entertainin'
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow

And the award for the best liar goes to you
For makin' me believe
That you could be
Faithful to me
Let's hear your speech

How bout a round of applause?
Standin' ovation...

But you put on quite a show
You really had me goin'
Now it's time to go
Curtains finally closin'
That was quite a show
Very entertaining'
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow

But it's over now...

This song goes out to a special friend of mine. =) I believe every song that touches one's heart tells a story. Of experience, of life, of love. This is her story...

Labels: music soothes my soul

some times.. i really think im not prioritising properly.. =( guess what i did today? i just finished mixing music for the 3 slots of performance on Sat... =S yeah.. haha.. cos im noob... so i need a longer time.. PLUS i had to wait for the transfer of sound effect... PLUS PLUS... i had to see which sound effect was suitable for where... haha.... geez...

i hv to rush my test and projects tmr and this sun man!!! included that i dun end up wandering outside.. haha.. i dun even know if the guys wanna taunt at jasmine's this sat after dxo performance.. i think maybe i shldn't.. but... yet so tempting.. SIA LAH!!! how...?

haha.. ok.. bev, u must get started on the projects stuff today.. after dinner! haha =D

dance really seemed to hv taken up most of my time... smt i do.. will definitely hv smt to do with fb and dance... everything i CONSIDER and think of.. there's dance... -.- whoo~~~

ok... must start prioritising... =S

Labels: time. my bestest friend; biggest enemy

guess i SHOULD be happy now that im officially 18... hm.. come to think of it.. a year older just means more things to think about, more responsibility, more understanding u are supposed to be, more mature u hv to be, more expectations from u and more u hv to fulfill...

but... 18 IS an impt part in a lot of ppl's life i guess... but it's probably just all in the mind.. thinking u r now considered a young adult, of legal age to do many things... and it marks a significant part in lives too... so significant in 2 extreme ways.. haha.. (wait till i reach 21! sigh. sian)

BUT nonetheless... happy bday to jasmine too who's just one day older than me... and to jeanie too!!! but she's 2 yrs and 2days older than me =D and peiling... haha... 8days older... man... june's a busy mth... gosh...

anyway... for anyone's bday coming up... i wish ya'll all the best... =D no matter what comes ahead, it can't be prevented, but it shall be tackled =D haha...

guess all i can say nw is... im contented with what i have... =)

Labels: just... contented