an oxymoron... 幸福 meaning happy, blessed... 痛 meaning pain. a contradicting 2-phrase catch put together to form exactly what im feelin now.

it's not impossible... i feel both.. and both rather strongly... well... i wont really further illustrate my scenario.. but... i feel that blogs are meant to let the owner say out what he/she feels... ya, it's personal and blogs.. although r online journals, but still to a certain extent... aren't considered personal nor private... but this is really how i feel... and if u've been thru what i am nw... im sure u'll understand what i mean to be feeling happy yet pain at the same time... =)

true that it's nt a pleasant feeling... but yet... u cant get away from or deny it... which.. partially sucks.. yet feels warming... sigh.. let's just say.. that feeling makes u feel like u are caught in between heaven and hell... like... no where actually... u dunno what or how to feel... u dunno what or how to think.. u just.. are lost... u hope for directions to be given... but yet no true or clear direction can lead u to the destination u want... so... it's a total lost feeling... -.-

just hoping... that my i will faster find whether is it a real pain that scars me.. or will it be just a scratch after all... shrug.. future's not written... that's the amazing part... yet the scariest as well..